Wednesday, September 30, 2009
How to lose customers, the Amazon way - my farewell letter to Jeff Bezos
Bye bye, Jeff@Amazon. After more than a decade as a loyal customer, I'm outta here. Ciao. Goodbye. Close the door after me, Jeff, because I'm not coming back.
So my quitting as a long-time customer over a petty dispute might not be much more than a teardrop in the ocean for you, Jeff old chap ... but is it?
Let's drill down ...
* You're losing a solid Amazon customer of more than a decade. Go look up my customer file and look at some of the stuff you've sold me... although your useless recommendation engine still doesn't have a clue
* This customer has spent more with Amazon than *any* other e-com site. Period.
* That customer withdrew more than 30-plus Amazon reseller book offers - this has cost you at least $150 in commission
I know you light your Cuban stogies with $100 notes Jeff, so this probably doesn't bother you ... but ... if just 1,000 people follow my lead (tsk! a mere 1000!) then you're $150k down ... would that make a difference?
The actual reason why I am leaving Amazon and shall not return is simple: breach of trust. We're getting divorced, Jeff. We will not be walking down the aisle again, geddit?
In the end it came down to a petty matter of a postage stamp. I'll spend more on printing and mailing you a hard copy of this piece, Jeff B (and the B does not stand for Baby, baby) ... but it's about principles now. If you want to run a long-term business, you LOOK AFTER your long-term customers.
To spell it out, that means: When long-time buyers agree to sell on their near-pristine books at half what they gave you in the first place, AND give you a commission payment, you nurture those customers.
So when one of them ships a book in good faith to an address provided by Amazon (no doubt also in good faith, dear lawyers), then the book comes back as undeliberable, because the owner of the PO box didn't pick up in time, then you'd be sensible to ask the BUYER, not the seller, to cover the postage charge.
Yup, it's something as fundamentally simple as that has brought down a great, decade-long relationship. From now, I'll be actively seeking opportunities to use alternative services. And I'll be telling all my friends why I switched.
Oh, and I'll be in Seattle sometime next year. Maybe I can bring "my" Kindle round (I say "my" because I live outside the US of A and so it's probably Against Amazon's Rules for me to "own" it ... I certainly cannot even try to buy and transfer any content to it) and hand it over to your custody. I'll be asking you to bend over first, so that when you receive the Kindle, you gain a valuable C-level first-hand experience of how I feel about the irrevocable breakdown of relations with my former old friend Amazon.
CEOs are always trying to get closer to the customer, right? I'm offering you the chance. Let's see if you really care about the customer, Jeff.
No Regards, Simon
So my quitting as a long-time customer over a petty dispute might not be much more than a teardrop in the ocean for you, Jeff old chap ... but is it?
Let's drill down ...
* You're losing a solid Amazon customer of more than a decade. Go look up my customer file and look at some of the stuff you've sold me... although your useless recommendation engine still doesn't have a clue
* This customer has spent more with Amazon than *any* other e-com site. Period.
* That customer withdrew more than 30-plus Amazon reseller book offers - this has cost you at least $150 in commission
I know you light your Cuban stogies with $100 notes Jeff, so this probably doesn't bother you ... but ... if just 1,000 people follow my lead (tsk! a mere 1000!) then you're $150k down ... would that make a difference?
The actual reason why I am leaving Amazon and shall not return is simple: breach of trust. We're getting divorced, Jeff. We will not be walking down the aisle again, geddit?
In the end it came down to a petty matter of a postage stamp. I'll spend more on printing and mailing you a hard copy of this piece, Jeff B (and the B does not stand for Baby, baby) ... but it's about principles now. If you want to run a long-term business, you LOOK AFTER your long-term customers.
To spell it out, that means: When long-time buyers agree to sell on their near-pristine books at half what they gave you in the first place, AND give you a commission payment, you nurture those customers.
So when one of them ships a book in good faith to an address provided by Amazon (no doubt also in good faith, dear lawyers), then the book comes back as undeliberable, because the owner of the PO box didn't pick up in time, then you'd be sensible to ask the BUYER, not the seller, to cover the postage charge.
Yup, it's something as fundamentally simple as that has brought down a great, decade-long relationship. From now, I'll be actively seeking opportunities to use alternative services. And I'll be telling all my friends why I switched.
Oh, and I'll be in Seattle sometime next year. Maybe I can bring "my" Kindle round (I say "my" because I live outside the US of A and so it's probably Against Amazon's Rules for me to "own" it ... I certainly cannot even try to buy and transfer any content to it) and hand it over to your custody. I'll be asking you to bend over first, so that when you receive the Kindle, you gain a valuable C-level first-hand experience of how I feel about the irrevocable breakdown of relations with my former old friend Amazon.
CEOs are always trying to get closer to the customer, right? I'm offering you the chance. Let's see if you really care about the customer, Jeff.
No Regards, Simon
Labels: rant
Friday, September 25, 2009
Amazon's crazy Windows 7 pricing
Thinking of upgrading to Windows 7? Then take a look at Amazon.de's crazy Windows 7 pricing.
The idea of upgrading from XP or the wretched Vista certainly has my stamp of approval - but if you're thinking about going to Amazon's website to choose your upgrade package, choose carefully, or you'll end up spending a lot more than necessary.
According to amazon.de this morning, they're offering all 16 of the standard packages.
First come the lowly Home Premium editions - choose from a 32/64-bit combi, a 32/64 upgrade, or individual 32-bit and 64-bit versions.
Next come the more useful Pro editions - and the same choice of versions.
After that, the Ultimate editions ...
And finally, the version upgrades, from Starter to Home Premium, from HP to Pro, and from Pro to Ultimate.
Now look at Amazon.de's pricing and you'll see that they will probably have a hard time shifting those version upgrades. Who in their right mind would pay EUR167.99 to upgrade from HP to Pro when they could buy a stand-alone Pro license for EUR50 less?
The combined 32- and 64-bit versions are also much more expensive. Who the heck would lay out EUR298.95 for the Windows 7 Pro 32 and 64-bit version when they could buy individual licenses for both a 32-bit version AND a 64-bit version and still save EUR66? It just doesn't add up!
The most ludicrous deal of all has to be the upgrade paths. Anyone who is unfortunate enough to buy a new Windows 7-enabled PC or notebook that comes with the Starter edition, and wants to upgrade, is probably better off either choosing a different model in the first place, or wiping the pre-installed software and doing a clean install. Why? Because anyone who pays EUR72.99 for the Starter to HP upgrade, then lays out a further EUR167.99 for the HP to Pro uplift, just has to be cuckoo crazy.
If you do choose Amazon.de as your provider of the shiny new Windows7 software, select your version carefully.
The idea of upgrading from XP or the wretched Vista certainly has my stamp of approval - but if you're thinking about going to Amazon's website to choose your upgrade package, choose carefully, or you'll end up spending a lot more than necessary.
According to amazon.de this morning, they're offering all 16 of the standard packages.
First come the lowly Home Premium editions - choose from a 32/64-bit combi, a 32/64 upgrade, or individual 32-bit and 64-bit versions.
Next come the more useful Pro editions - and the same choice of versions.
After that, the Ultimate editions ...
And finally, the version upgrades, from Starter to Home Premium, from HP to Pro, and from Pro to Ultimate.
Now look at Amazon.de's pricing and you'll see that they will probably have a hard time shifting those version upgrades. Who in their right mind would pay EUR167.99 to upgrade from HP to Pro when they could buy a stand-alone Pro license for EUR50 less?
The combined 32- and 64-bit versions are also much more expensive. Who the heck would lay out EUR298.95 for the Windows 7 Pro 32 and 64-bit version when they could buy individual licenses for both a 32-bit version AND a 64-bit version and still save EUR66? It just doesn't add up!
The most ludicrous deal of all has to be the upgrade paths. Anyone who is unfortunate enough to buy a new Windows 7-enabled PC or notebook that comes with the Starter edition, and wants to upgrade, is probably better off either choosing a different model in the first place, or wiping the pre-installed software and doing a clean install. Why? Because anyone who pays EUR72.99 for the Starter to HP upgrade, then lays out a further EUR167.99 for the HP to Pro uplift, just has to be cuckoo crazy.
If you do choose Amazon.de as your provider of the shiny new Windows7 software, select your version carefully.
Labels: amazon, rant, Windows7
Monday, July 20, 2009
An open letter to Amazon
Dear Amazon,
I'm trying to be a really good customer. It's perplexing that you are making it so hard for me.
I've been buying books online from you since the late 90s. As you've grown, I've ordered a wider selection of items, too - most famously, my first DVD player. (I'd ordered a book and hadn't quite spent enough to qualify for free shipping, so on a whim, I decided to buy the DVD player from you. Some way to qualify for free shipping!) Although I'm still to order the George Foreman Grill, I've even resold my near-pristine paperbacks via your site.
But why do you make it so hard for me to be a customer at all? Don't you want the few hundred dollars that I spend with you each year? If you'd rather that we parted company, just say the word and I'll try and live without you.
What's pushed me over the edge this time? Well, let's talk about two things. The first is an itty-bitty little service where, for a "small charge" you allow me to resell the pulp fiction that I bought and devoured. Then you advise me that a "market" price would be around $2 for a book, and then you charge me MORE than that in commission. So I make a loss on the sale.
Shurely shome mishtake.
Actually I made a measly $0.10 or so on the postage, and my bookshelf looks a lot better having been denuded (I bought two hardback Feng Shui books last year from you last year, remember? (Want to buy 'em back for a good price? See "Simon's Shop" on your Amazon.com site if you can ever find it. Go on, I challenge you. Believe me, it's well-hidden.))
The second, and more heinous crime, is how you've treated me with regard to the Kindle. Yes, your own, in-house, greener-than-paper, must-have yuppie tech-nerd device. That's me... so I'm delighted to have one. But after a solid 72 hours' ownership I'm wondering if I can hack the darned thing and install a lite version of Linux - because you're making it hard for me to love the Kindle for what it is.
Mine arrived last Friday, July 17th 2009, which will probably be a day of mourning in fture for Amazon. For this was the day that you chose to remotely delete readers' copies of a couple of George Orwell titles. That was rather unfortunate ... of course my Kindle was easy to name, and was Christened as Winston.
Winston came to me as a gift. I'd never have dared be as doubleplus ungood as to even think about trying to order one on your website. As you know, I don't live in the US. So how dare I even dream about owning one...
Once Winston arrived, then as you know from the built-in GPS and wireless, I wasn't in the continental US when I fired him up. He's probably already on a watch list of some kind for not "appearing" on Whispernet within a few days of shipping. From here, there's no chance of registering ... and the "experimental" web browser (yes, the "experimental" monochrome text-only web browser? Are we in 1984 or something?) won't work on any of the four wireless phone networks available in my home country.
Ah well, at least USB is Universal. That's what it stands for, Universal Serial Bus, geddit? Kudos to you for at least enabling Winston to talk to my home PC (he runs Windows 7, in English language, probably a good thing it's not set to Norwegian or something). I plugged him in and Winnie showed up immediately as a network drive. Great. Next step, order some up-to-date content and drop or download content straight on to the Kindle ...
Like yeah, right. You guys thought of that one, eh? Aren't you so clever!
It ain't working. I'm not in the US and you know it. So I cannot buy content. And without access to the latest ebooks, I'm stuck in a timewarp that makes 1984 look futuristic. There are some great novels out there available for free download, but I doubt that many were written this century, let alone the 20th. If I want to read vintage Arthur Conan Doyle or James Joyce, then 100 local bookshops (and probably your website too) can offer me numerous editions for less than the commission Amazon takes on my second-hand book sales. The Karma Sutra is available for free e-book downloading ... but with a greyscale screen and no backlight???
No, the point is that I want to read contemporary fiction. Stuff that's firmly within copyright and probably published within the last 5 years. Unfortunately, due to "geographical restrictions" I'm unable to download even free books from Amazon.com. It doesn't matter if I enter a US shipping address, and apply a US $ credit to my Amazon.com account, it's not enough to convince you, Amazon, that I should be giving you my hard-earned greenbacks.
In my previous post I linked to a blog with some work-arounds. There's actually an easier way to get content on your Kindle if you live outside the US. All you need is a partner in crime who has a US-issued credit card.
Step 1: Ask that person to register your Kindle to their account.
Step 2: Ask them to buy Kindle content.
Step 3: They download the newly-purchased content.
Step 4: They send said content to you via email or FTP server or CD or pigeon post or whatever.
Step 5: You send the person with a US credit card an Amazon voucher to cover their costs and a little bit more for their efforts. This is Step 1 if you are a shyster.
Step 6: You download the .azw files directly into your (their) Kindle.
Step 7: You read the files as Kindle books ... just as you would if you were within the borders of the US.
What a bunch of buggering around.
Next time I actually fly to the US - if I bother to take Winston along for the ride - then he's in for a delight. If you've ever seen the movie The Matrix, think of the scene where Neo is getting a download of stuff like kick-boxing. No doubt Winston will writhe in my hands.
The thing is, I know you're right according the letter of the law. I know you'd love to sell me content directly, if only the licensing laws allowed.
However, it's the way you've implemented your super-strict sales restrictions that gets me. Even with a US billing address, IP address and a pre-paid gift card, you still refused my money. Whatever next? Maybe American companies will stop selling arms to Middle Eastern juntas because their credit cards ain't issued by a US bank?
I'm trying to be a really good customer. It's perplexing that you are making it so hard for me.
I've been buying books online from you since the late 90s. As you've grown, I've ordered a wider selection of items, too - most famously, my first DVD player. (I'd ordered a book and hadn't quite spent enough to qualify for free shipping, so on a whim, I decided to buy the DVD player from you. Some way to qualify for free shipping!) Although I'm still to order the George Foreman Grill, I've even resold my near-pristine paperbacks via your site.
But why do you make it so hard for me to be a customer at all? Don't you want the few hundred dollars that I spend with you each year? If you'd rather that we parted company, just say the word and I'll try and live without you.
What's pushed me over the edge this time? Well, let's talk about two things. The first is an itty-bitty little service where, for a "small charge" you allow me to resell the pulp fiction that I bought and devoured. Then you advise me that a "market" price would be around $2 for a book, and then you charge me MORE than that in commission. So I make a loss on the sale.
Shurely shome mishtake.
Actually I made a measly $0.10 or so on the postage, and my bookshelf looks a lot better having been denuded (I bought two hardback Feng Shui books last year from you last year, remember? (Want to buy 'em back for a good price? See "Simon's Shop" on your Amazon.com site if you can ever find it. Go on, I challenge you. Believe me, it's well-hidden.))
The second, and more heinous crime, is how you've treated me with regard to the Kindle. Yes, your own, in-house, greener-than-paper, must-have yuppie tech-nerd device. That's me... so I'm delighted to have one. But after a solid 72 hours' ownership I'm wondering if I can hack the darned thing and install a lite version of Linux - because you're making it hard for me to love the Kindle for what it is.
Mine arrived last Friday, July 17th 2009, which will probably be a day of mourning in fture for Amazon. For this was the day that you chose to remotely delete readers' copies of a couple of George Orwell titles. That was rather unfortunate ... of course my Kindle was easy to name, and was Christened as Winston.
Winston came to me as a gift. I'd never have dared be as doubleplus ungood as to even think about trying to order one on your website. As you know, I don't live in the US. So how dare I even dream about owning one...
Once Winston arrived, then as you know from the built-in GPS and wireless, I wasn't in the continental US when I fired him up. He's probably already on a watch list of some kind for not "appearing" on Whispernet within a few days of shipping. From here, there's no chance of registering ... and the "experimental" web browser (yes, the "experimental" monochrome text-only web browser? Are we in 1984 or something?) won't work on any of the four wireless phone networks available in my home country.
Ah well, at least USB is Universal. That's what it stands for, Universal Serial Bus, geddit? Kudos to you for at least enabling Winston to talk to my home PC (he runs Windows 7, in English language, probably a good thing it's not set to Norwegian or something). I plugged him in and Winnie showed up immediately as a network drive. Great. Next step, order some up-to-date content and drop or download content straight on to the Kindle ...
Like yeah, right. You guys thought of that one, eh? Aren't you so clever!
It ain't working. I'm not in the US and you know it. So I cannot buy content. And without access to the latest ebooks, I'm stuck in a timewarp that makes 1984 look futuristic. There are some great novels out there available for free download, but I doubt that many were written this century, let alone the 20th. If I want to read vintage Arthur Conan Doyle or James Joyce, then 100 local bookshops (and probably your website too) can offer me numerous editions for less than the commission Amazon takes on my second-hand book sales. The Karma Sutra is available for free e-book downloading ... but with a greyscale screen and no backlight???
No, the point is that I want to read contemporary fiction. Stuff that's firmly within copyright and probably published within the last 5 years. Unfortunately, due to "geographical restrictions" I'm unable to download even free books from Amazon.com. It doesn't matter if I enter a US shipping address, and apply a US $ credit to my Amazon.com account, it's not enough to convince you, Amazon, that I should be giving you my hard-earned greenbacks.
In my previous post I linked to a blog with some work-arounds. There's actually an easier way to get content on your Kindle if you live outside the US. All you need is a partner in crime who has a US-issued credit card.
Step 1: Ask that person to register your Kindle to their account.
Step 2: Ask them to buy Kindle content.
Step 3: They download the newly-purchased content.
Step 4: They send said content to you via email or FTP server or CD or pigeon post or whatever.
Step 5: You send the person with a US credit card an Amazon voucher to cover their costs and a little bit more for their efforts. This is Step 1 if you are a shyster.
Step 6: You download the .azw files directly into your (their) Kindle.
Step 7: You read the files as Kindle books ... just as you would if you were within the borders of the US.
What a bunch of buggering around.
Next time I actually fly to the US - if I bother to take Winston along for the ride - then he's in for a delight. If you've ever seen the movie The Matrix, think of the scene where Neo is getting a download of stuff like kick-boxing. No doubt Winston will writhe in my hands.
The thing is, I know you're right according the letter of the law. I know you'd love to sell me content directly, if only the licensing laws allowed.
However, it's the way you've implemented your super-strict sales restrictions that gets me. Even with a US billing address, IP address and a pre-paid gift card, you still refused my money. Whatever next? Maybe American companies will stop selling arms to Middle Eastern juntas because their credit cards ain't issued by a US bank?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Kindling the privacy debate
The arrival of my Kindle 2 (an unexpected but welcome gift) coincided with Amazon's action to act as Big Bother and remotely delete copies of George Orwell?s books on users' devices. Oh dear me. It really couldn't have been a worse choice of books to zap remotely via its Whispernet mobile network.
Although technically-speaking, Amazon did the right thing, their execution was terrible. At least, that's how the story started gathering momentum: with outraged Kindle users complaining that the Orwell classics 1984 and Animal Farm had simply been zapped from their devices.
This is a great example of how to alienate your customers, and a less than auspicious start for my Kindle ownership. Wireless was enabled, out of the box, so by the time I'd worked out how to turn it off, no doubt it had found and been rejected by one of the local GSM networks and Amazon was therefore already aware that I'm not currently located in the US. Thanks to our wet summer, the device hasn't been switched on while outside yet ? so maybe the built-in GPS device hasn't managed to get a lock on any satellites, although I don't expect it will be too long before it manages to get a sniff of a signal.
Being outside the US means that I'm effectively handcuffed when it comes to adding up-to-date content to the Kindle, whom I shall call Winston. There are tens of thousands of out-of-copyright classics available as a DRM-free, Winston-format download, but until I get myself within the borders of the lower 48 states, there ain't no way that Amazon is going to let Winston have any current content, even if I want to pay for it.
Believe me, I tried. I followed blogger Nerdgirl's excellent advice and registered a new Amazon.com account, using a .com email address, entering a bona-fide US billing address and then adding a $50 gift voucher to my account. My mistake was using a valid but non-US issue credit card ? even though I did not authorize Amazon to debit anything. By the time I came to the final step in the transaction process, hoping to be able to download the DRM-laden file straight to Winston, who'd shown up as a 1.4gb capacity network drive, Amazon's Thought Police had detected that I'm not in the US ? and kyboshed the deal.
I tried again via a Terminal Server machine that thinks it's in Oregon. No deal. So I shot a quick email to a friend in Chicago. He logged in with my user:pass and was doing great until the final screen, where he learned that we were busted ? and that an irregularity had occurred. Yes, I'd logged out of my Amazon.com account so it wasn't the multiple logins but the trusty credit card. Aargh. I've got $50 on my new Amazon.com ? which was happy to take my money for the voucher ? and I can't use it.
This has given me valuable think time on the question of whether I want to invest US $9.99 in Kindle downloads of current paperbacks. Once I've read 'em, then what? The DRM means I cannot resell them. In my home office there's currently a pile of read and for sale paperbacks ? most from Amazon ? that I'm now reselling ? via Amazon.
Maybe I'll spend the $50 on gifts for friends ? within the US of course. I'll keep looking for sources of free ebooks and perhaps catch up on some classics while waiting for Amazon to launch in Europe.The company has gained a foothold by opening for business in the UK, so who knows what Winston will do when I take him on a business trip to London later this week. Watch this space.*
And keep away from the Thought Police!
*Footnote: I've since learned that Amazon has NOT launched Kindle in the UK yet, but that an announcement with an MVNO is imminent.
Although technically-speaking, Amazon did the right thing, their execution was terrible. At least, that's how the story started gathering momentum: with outraged Kindle users complaining that the Orwell classics 1984 and Animal Farm had simply been zapped from their devices.
This is a great example of how to alienate your customers, and a less than auspicious start for my Kindle ownership. Wireless was enabled, out of the box, so by the time I'd worked out how to turn it off, no doubt it had found and been rejected by one of the local GSM networks and Amazon was therefore already aware that I'm not currently located in the US. Thanks to our wet summer, the device hasn't been switched on while outside yet ? so maybe the built-in GPS device hasn't managed to get a lock on any satellites, although I don't expect it will be too long before it manages to get a sniff of a signal.
Being outside the US means that I'm effectively handcuffed when it comes to adding up-to-date content to the Kindle, whom I shall call Winston. There are tens of thousands of out-of-copyright classics available as a DRM-free, Winston-format download, but until I get myself within the borders of the lower 48 states, there ain't no way that Amazon is going to let Winston have any current content, even if I want to pay for it.
Believe me, I tried. I followed blogger Nerdgirl's excellent advice and registered a new Amazon.com account, using a .com email address, entering a bona-fide US billing address and then adding a $50 gift voucher to my account. My mistake was using a valid but non-US issue credit card ? even though I did not authorize Amazon to debit anything. By the time I came to the final step in the transaction process, hoping to be able to download the DRM-laden file straight to Winston, who'd shown up as a 1.4gb capacity network drive, Amazon's Thought Police had detected that I'm not in the US ? and kyboshed the deal.
I tried again via a Terminal Server machine that thinks it's in Oregon. No deal. So I shot a quick email to a friend in Chicago. He logged in with my user:pass and was doing great until the final screen, where he learned that we were busted ? and that an irregularity had occurred. Yes, I'd logged out of my Amazon.com account so it wasn't the multiple logins but the trusty credit card. Aargh. I've got $50 on my new Amazon.com ? which was happy to take my money for the voucher ? and I can't use it.
This has given me valuable think time on the question of whether I want to invest US $9.99 in Kindle downloads of current paperbacks. Once I've read 'em, then what? The DRM means I cannot resell them. In my home office there's currently a pile of read and for sale paperbacks ? most from Amazon ? that I'm now reselling ? via Amazon.
Maybe I'll spend the $50 on gifts for friends ? within the US of course. I'll keep looking for sources of free ebooks and perhaps catch up on some classics while waiting for Amazon to launch in Europe.
And keep away from the Thought Police!
*Footnote: I've since learned that Amazon has NOT launched Kindle in the UK yet, but that an announcement with an MVNO is imminent.
Monday, May 11, 2009
What do people find so difficult about airports?
Dear Mr and Mrs Traveler,
No matter where I go, you?re always there at the airport ? and you?re always behaving like it?s your first time. Just what is it that you find so perplexing about negotiating airports? Is it something to do with the electro-magnetic interference from the security systems that causes your brains to freeze?
Passport control? YES, that?s right. This is you are required to show your Passport. Arriving at the window is not the time to start searching your pockets for it.
Security control? Yes, this means you will need to empty your pockets of all metal, take off overcoats, get laptops out of bags, surrender liquids, etc. I know you?ve been watching the people in front of you in the line with abject fascination for the last 10 minutes (ok, make that 20). Hadn?t it yet penetrated your consciousness that you too will be required to go through the same procedure? And yes, those keys hanging on your belt WILL set off the scanners.
Wandering around the airport: Do you HAVE to stand side-by-side without moving on the walkways and escalators? Don?t you understand those little icons showing that you should stand to one side, in order to allow others to pass you? And don?t you realize that your enormous suitcase is blocking the gangway?
Talking of which, baggage size: I know you don?t trust those baggage handlers, but believe me, your whacking great suitcase is NOT going to fit into the overhead locker.
Ready to board? Yes yes, I know you are. But why do you stand in an impatient herd by the gate for at least 10 minutes before boarding starts? Getting on first doesn?t mean you?re going to snag my seat, not does it mean that the ?plane is going to get there any faster. On long-haul flights, they board from the rear seats first in order to get people on board faster. That usually means rows in the high 20s, 30s and 40s. Believe me, it?s easier to get to seat 22H once the passengers behind have pushed and bumped their way past. A special award goes to EasyJet (NB this is not really a recommendation, you social media watchers at EasyJet) for fueling this fire by charging extra for ?speedy boarding?. Most of the EasyJet flights I?ve taken have involved a bus to the terminal ? so you get speedy boarding on board the bus. Nice! You?d pay extra for that??
Labels: rant
Thursday, April 02, 2009
The economics of flying business class
Of late, I've been flying around quite a bit - and been pondering the economics of flying business class. In short, although the airlines are trying hard, I still don't think the maths make sense for anyone to pay out of their own pocket for a business class ticket.
Over the last couple of years, the airlines have really raised their game in trying to differentiate in lots of little ways between business and cattle class. Some examples of those little touches:
* Priority boarding - over a red mat (hardly a carpet) at the gate. Great. EasyJet charges a premium for that (so you can be first on the bus, as cheapo airlines avoid jetway fees wherever possible). Value? Maybe $10 if you can find people who would pay for it.
* Priority tags on hold baggage. Theoretically a good idea but in reality the bags all arrive together, or maybe within a couple of minutes. Value? About the same as the tip you'd give the baggage porter instead. $3.
* A little piece of chocolate on your seat. Great! I'm convinced: sell me a business class ticket. But seriously, I don't always want to eat a piece of chocolate when I get on board a plane - I'm not 7 years old any more - and if I don't see it, sit on the chocolate and it melts, I've got a dry cleaning bill (and an embarrassing situation to explain). Value: $0.75.
* A bottle of water to go with your chocolate. Not bad at airport prices per liter of water. Value: $3.
* That business class meal with real cutlery and crockery. I recently asked an attendant which of the standard "chicken or beef?" meals she recommended. Her answer: "Eat at the airport!" The stuff served in economy class isn't great - but then I don't expect any business class meals to qualify for Michelin stars any time soon (even though they do use puffed-up prose). Value: $10 and I am being generous.
* The free copy of a magazine on board. OK, not bad, but often eco passengers can snaffle these too. Value: $0.
* Another free chocolate before you land. $0.75.
* Lounge access. Ah yes, the lounge. In general, these are pretty nice - with the exception of Lufthansa's horrible little overcrowded, overheated, under-seated corner of T2 at London Heathrow. All kinds of goodies in here: free snacks and drinks ($15 if you try hard), free wi-fi ($10). On the other hand, as I don't generally get lounge access, I arrive at the airport as late as possible - getting an extra 30 minutes in bed (or in a traffic jam). I know there are showers etc in some lounges - which is great value if you fly in overnight and have to go straight to a business meeting. Thankfully, I always avoid having to do that!
Time to do a sub-total: I make that $52.50. Each way.
Compare and contrast with the "special offer" that BA recently offered me for a London-Munich flight - a one-way upgrade for $150. For a total of two hours on board, I declined the $50-an-inch extra legroom. For a long haul at the same price, I'd have jumped. However, the price delta runs to four figures - at least an extra $1000.
The airlines have also gotten wise to people booking economy and using miles to upgrade to business. Actually, spending 35,000 miles with Star Alliance airlines for a one-way trans-Atlantic upgrade seems to be pretty good value - so there must be a catch.
There is. My last two "economy" class trans-Atlantic tickets were super-cheap: between $500 and $700. After deducting airport taxes etc, the revenue to the airline was only around $100 each way. And because of this, there was No Way In Hell that they were going to let me upgrade my class W (I think) ticket to business class. In fact, I've even heard that US airlines are now trying to charge a premium for bulkhead-row economy class tickets.
To conclude this ramble, yes there are clearly benefits to flying business class - I didn't even mention the potential value of the flexible ticket. But I think the best solution is the one I first heard of through an old friend - who flies economy class, but then spends a little bit extra on a hotel, and enjoys the luxury over the duration of his business trips. Works for me!
Over the last couple of years, the airlines have really raised their game in trying to differentiate in lots of little ways between business and cattle class. Some examples of those little touches:
* Priority boarding - over a red mat (hardly a carpet) at the gate. Great. EasyJet charges a premium for that (so you can be first on the bus, as cheapo airlines avoid jetway fees wherever possible). Value? Maybe $10 if you can find people who would pay for it.
* Priority tags on hold baggage. Theoretically a good idea but in reality the bags all arrive together, or maybe within a couple of minutes. Value? About the same as the tip you'd give the baggage porter instead. $3.
* A little piece of chocolate on your seat. Great! I'm convinced: sell me a business class ticket. But seriously, I don't always want to eat a piece of chocolate when I get on board a plane - I'm not 7 years old any more - and if I don't see it, sit on the chocolate and it melts, I've got a dry cleaning bill (and an embarrassing situation to explain). Value: $0.75.
* A bottle of water to go with your chocolate. Not bad at airport prices per liter of water. Value: $3.
* That business class meal with real cutlery and crockery. I recently asked an attendant which of the standard "chicken or beef?" meals she recommended. Her answer: "Eat at the airport!" The stuff served in economy class isn't great - but then I don't expect any business class meals to qualify for Michelin stars any time soon (even though they do use puffed-up prose). Value: $10 and I am being generous.
* The free copy of a magazine on board. OK, not bad, but often eco passengers can snaffle these too. Value: $0.
* Another free chocolate before you land. $0.75.
* Lounge access. Ah yes, the lounge. In general, these are pretty nice - with the exception of Lufthansa's horrible little overcrowded, overheated, under-seated corner of T2 at London Heathrow. All kinds of goodies in here: free snacks and drinks ($15 if you try hard), free wi-fi ($10). On the other hand, as I don't generally get lounge access, I arrive at the airport as late as possible - getting an extra 30 minutes in bed (or in a traffic jam). I know there are showers etc in some lounges - which is great value if you fly in overnight and have to go straight to a business meeting. Thankfully, I always avoid having to do that!
Time to do a sub-total: I make that $52.50. Each way.
Compare and contrast with the "special offer" that BA recently offered me for a London-Munich flight - a one-way upgrade for $150. For a total of two hours on board, I declined the $50-an-inch extra legroom. For a long haul at the same price, I'd have jumped. However, the price delta runs to four figures - at least an extra $1000.
The airlines have also gotten wise to people booking economy and using miles to upgrade to business. Actually, spending 35,000 miles with Star Alliance airlines for a one-way trans-Atlantic upgrade seems to be pretty good value - so there must be a catch.
There is. My last two "economy" class trans-Atlantic tickets were super-cheap: between $500 and $700. After deducting airport taxes etc, the revenue to the airline was only around $100 each way. And because of this, there was No Way In Hell that they were going to let me upgrade my class W (I think) ticket to business class. In fact, I've even heard that US airlines are now trying to charge a premium for bulkhead-row economy class tickets.
To conclude this ramble, yes there are clearly benefits to flying business class - I didn't even mention the potential value of the flexible ticket. But I think the best solution is the one I first heard of through an old friend - who flies economy class, but then spends a little bit extra on a hotel, and enjoys the luxury over the duration of his business trips. Works for me!
Labels: rant
Friday, August 22, 2008
Outlook 2007 diagnostics
Honestly, Outlook 2007 is a piece of crap. As soon as I come across a copy of 2003 I'll be downgrading - because 2007 is just too badly broken to be fixed. I keep hoping for a Service Pack but so far, almost 2 years since it was released, that is still to materialize.
It's not just crap, it's obtuse as well. I had major problems this morning so did all the usual things to try and help Outlook 2007 to actually stagger to life: as well as 110-150MB of memory it needs just to run, I tried the Microsoft Office Diagnostics.
What a joke.
Diagnostics ran and reported one problem was identified and fixed. I click the "more info" and find that "Office fixed all the problems that it could find". Details? You Must Be Joking Mate. It fixes this one problem EVERY TIME. Actually, I don't even believe that the tool does anything any more than report a "placebo" problem.
If only - if only there was an alternative that works with Exchange. And don't even WHISPER Lotus Notes, as everyone I know who has to use Notes complains just as much as "we" complain about Exchange.
It's not just crap, it's obtuse as well. I had major problems this morning so did all the usual things to try and help Outlook 2007 to actually stagger to life: as well as 110-150MB of memory it needs just to run, I tried the Microsoft Office Diagnostics.
What a joke.
Diagnostics ran and reported one problem was identified and fixed. I click the "more info" and find that "Office fixed all the problems that it could find". Details? You Must Be Joking Mate. It fixes this one problem EVERY TIME. Actually, I don't even believe that the tool does anything any more than report a "placebo" problem.
If only - if only there was an alternative that works with Exchange. And don't even WHISPER Lotus Notes, as everyone I know who has to use Notes complains just as much as "we" complain about Exchange.
Labels: Office 2007, rant
Friday, April 25, 2008
Squeak
Ole. I'm not alone with my Vista keyboard and mouse woes, they are also documented here. The problem is that - it ain't fixed and could happen again with the 32-bit version.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Updated isn't always better
After problems with four separate pieces of software over the last week I've concluded that updated / patched is not always best.
As well as the already-documented Vista woes - solved by a downgrade to the 32-bit version, I've also experienced unprecedented problems with the latest version of Nokia's usually-excellent PC Suite - which didn't want to sync any more, a bit of a deal-breaker, and with the newest version of GoodSync from Siber Systems - telling me it's in Null Mode. In both cases, a rollback to the earlier version solved the problem.
The fourth problem has been with Linux. Maybe I should just stick to Windows, since I know its flaws. At 10pm last night I had to bite the bullet and delete all the work I'd done in updating my home PC to a dual-boot system - because Open SuSE crashed during the kernel update and there was No Way Back. Rather than having a half-cocked, non-functional Linux OS on my system I went into Vista Computer Management and simply deleted the Volumes under Disk Management.
Not quite ready for a return to Windows 2000 though.
As well as the already-documented Vista woes - solved by a downgrade to the 32-bit version, I've also experienced unprecedented problems with the latest version of Nokia's usually-excellent PC Suite - which didn't want to sync any more, a bit of a deal-breaker, and with the newest version of GoodSync from Siber Systems - telling me it's in Null Mode. In both cases, a rollback to the earlier version solved the problem.
The fourth problem has been with Linux. Maybe I should just stick to Windows, since I know its flaws. At 10pm last night I had to bite the bullet and delete all the work I'd done in updating my home PC to a dual-boot system - because Open SuSE crashed during the kernel update and there was No Way Back. Rather than having a half-cocked, non-functional Linux OS on my system I went into Vista Computer Management and simply deleted the Volumes under Disk Management.
Not quite ready for a return to Windows 2000 though.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Vista: Beyond the perverse
Having used Windoze since version 2, and gasped when 3.0 was able to switch to color on my humble 12" color monitor, I've become accustomed, over the last 18 years or so, to the "Bill Gates Appreciation Moments" - those minutes / hours / weeks when you stare at an hourglass or a revolving ball or whatever.
The latest round of updates with Windoze Vista has really taken the biscuit. Redmond, congratulations, you knocked out my mouse! Yay! That takes some doing. MORONS. One of the core computing components that's actually been around longer than 'doze. And some bunch of idiots with an "update" managed to completely knock out my USB mouse - plus my spare (plus a wireless model that has the Mark of Redmond stamped upon it, which means it must be Approved By Steve, right?).
I grew up with keyboard shortcuts so it wasn't a problem, just a monumental pain in the butt to actually navigate around the "most advanced Windows ever" using keyboard shortcuts because all three of my mice were disabled. After so many rounds of moronic "if you have the CD, insert it now" cycles, and even contacting the MS chat helpdesk for a laugh (forget it people, Balls-up-mer was off duty and I got some n00b working from scripts ... managed to trip it into an "ok#insert customer name# goof after a couple of minutes because I asked a mildly-taxing, Turing test-style question which got "it" - the call center robot - kinda flustered) I started hacking. Safe mode, device manager, delete those problematic devices and reboot. 'xcept Billg thought of that and the bastard had second guessed it. Fuuuuuuuuck.
The problem started with last week's "security updates". Maybe some M$ moron worked out that a mouse or a keyboard could be a security risk - that's where these naughty hackers type their stuff, right? Right!!!!! So let's disable both, just in case. Right on! Have another sip of the Kool Aid.
And then there's the memory hole problem with Vista. My household PC has a respectable 2GB of RAM. It cost enough, a year ago. WTF am I supposed to do, sell my car for extra RAM so I can run bloatware? Recent "updates" have led to messages saying that I should close some programs because memory is running low. Nope, we're not talking about the 50 bloat services running in Vista, we're talking about my freaking applications. AAAAAARGH. Vista is like public transportation services: it would run perfectly without anyone using it, getting in the way.
Our home PC is a powerful beast - less than a year old, with an AMD 64 quad-core chip - and it struggles to run Outlook and Winamp at the same time thanks to recent 'doze updates.
As a solution, I'm going virtual. I'm looking for a good 64-bit distro and then I'll put VMware on top (Microsoft VM? Get out of here! Windows on top of Windows, that's a joke!). As I've invested in various software over the years, I'll still have a Windows version running as a VM, in fact I've already got a tame XP installation, an OS that was actually quite good in the end. But Vista? As a friend recently said, it is a TRAIN WRECK.
Dear reader. You might think I'm rather annoyed at Microsoft. You might be right.
The latest round of updates with Windoze Vista has really taken the biscuit. Redmond, congratulations, you knocked out my mouse! Yay! That takes some doing. MORONS. One of the core computing components that's actually been around longer than 'doze. And some bunch of idiots with an "update" managed to completely knock out my USB mouse - plus my spare (plus a wireless model that has the Mark of Redmond stamped upon it, which means it must be Approved By Steve, right?).
I grew up with keyboard shortcuts so it wasn't a problem, just a monumental pain in the butt to actually navigate around the "most advanced Windows ever" using keyboard shortcuts because all three of my mice were disabled. After so many rounds of moronic "if you have the CD, insert it now" cycles, and even contacting the MS chat helpdesk for a laugh (forget it people, Balls-up-mer was off duty and I got some n00b working from scripts ... managed to trip it into an "ok
The problem started with last week's "security updates". Maybe some M$ moron worked out that a mouse or a keyboard could be a security risk - that's where these naughty hackers type their stuff, right? Right!!!!! So let's disable both, just in case. Right on! Have another sip of the Kool Aid.
And then there's the memory hole problem with Vista. My household PC has a respectable 2GB of RAM. It cost enough, a year ago. WTF am I supposed to do, sell my car for extra RAM so I can run bloatware? Recent "updates" have led to messages saying that I should close some programs because memory is running low. Nope, we're not talking about the 50 bloat services running in Vista, we're talking about my freaking applications. AAAAAARGH. Vista is like public transportation services: it would run perfectly without anyone using it, getting in the way.
Our home PC is a powerful beast - less than a year old, with an AMD 64 quad-core chip - and it struggles to run Outlook and Winamp at the same time thanks to recent 'doze updates.
As a solution, I'm going virtual. I'm looking for a good 64-bit distro and then I'll put VMware on top (Microsoft VM? Get out of here! Windows on top of Windows, that's a joke!). As I've invested in various software over the years, I'll still have a Windows version running as a VM, in fact I've already got a tame XP installation, an OS that was actually quite good in the end. But Vista? As a friend recently said, it is a TRAIN WRECK.
Dear reader. You might think I'm rather annoyed at Microsoft. You might be right.
Labels: rant, virtualization, Vista
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Five quid a pint
Just paid five pounds Sterling for a pint of beer, in an Indian restaurant in Elephant and Castle of all places. I know London is expensive but this takes the award - drinking's cheaper at the airport! The E&C district is one of the more run-down inner city areas. The shopping center to which the Indian restaurant is attached is an icon of 1960s urban architecture ... flanked by high-rise apartment blocks with those outside "skywalks" that look like muggers' paradise.
I'm back in the real world...
I'm back in the real world...
Labels: rant
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Finally in-sync
Sometimes, the bundled solution isn't the best. This definitely applies to some of the tools within Windows Vista. This time I'm talking about syncing offline files, but first, some context.
Yes, another Vista rant. But I'm entitled to this one, having been through the pain of having to completely reinstall Vista on my notebook. I had actually weighed everything up and had decided to revert to XP, except that Vista seems to have done something proprietary to the MBR on my hard drive and the XP installer couldn't see it. There was NO WAY that I was going to make fresh backup copies of the 30 or 40GB-worth of data on my D and E drives and then format the whole drive. Just forget it.
Anyway, having reinstalled Vista I made the mistake of reactivating it on the first day - and of course the install was corrupted, because after a shaky six days I needed to reinstall again. This time I couldn't afford any offline time at all so went out and bought a spare notebook, which has now been deployed as an upgrade for a colleague. She's delighted...
Fingers crossed this time around and no I could not wait for SP1 to come out. For the first ever time, I chose the "upgrade" option - upgrading a non-functional version of Vista to a functional version is an upgrade, right? And yes, I'm back in the honeymoon period where the system is actually really quite fast despite having only 1.5GB of memory. I picked up a 4GB USB stick at CeBIT which works nicely with readyboost and my apps open a bit faster, too.
Of course there is an upside to a clean install - you lose some of the drekk that's built up on the system. Programs that I'd installed, messed around with and then dumped. From here I have resolved to restrict such installations first to my XP VM that's running in VMware Player (Google around to find out how, it's pretty simple with QEMU) as it's pretty simple to roll back a VM, also I have a couple of backup copies on various drives.
Getting to the point, I sometimes for convenience carry around a local copy of important ongoing work files - because I can't be online when travelling. I decided to once again try the sync option built into Windows, but it still sucks really badly and leaves multiple temp files at both ends when trying to sync - I haven't had the time, energy or inclination to solve this. Instead I spent a whole $30 (about the price of a Chinese take-away for two now in Euros) on a super little program called GoodSync from a company called Siber Systems.
It's my second $30 purchase from Siber - the first being the wonderful RoboForm, which stores all my login passwords and other credentials, including my credit card details, and helps me fill-in online forms. I keep the RoboForm data on a fully-encrypted USB drive so the data is safe and sound.
GoodSync is exactly that - and it's lightning fast, too. This is perhaps the most visible difference between it and the built-in offline file sync capability of Vista, apart from those temp files which can quickly fill a few GB if you're not careful. Once again, proof for me that something that's free has no value.
Yes, another Vista rant. But I'm entitled to this one, having been through the pain of having to completely reinstall Vista on my notebook. I had actually weighed everything up and had decided to revert to XP, except that Vista seems to have done something proprietary to the MBR on my hard drive and the XP installer couldn't see it. There was NO WAY that I was going to make fresh backup copies of the 30 or 40GB-worth of data on my D and E drives and then format the whole drive. Just forget it.
Anyway, having reinstalled Vista I made the mistake of reactivating it on the first day - and of course the install was corrupted, because after a shaky six days I needed to reinstall again. This time I couldn't afford any offline time at all so went out and bought a spare notebook, which has now been deployed as an upgrade for a colleague. She's delighted...
Fingers crossed this time around and no I could not wait for SP1 to come out. For the first ever time, I chose the "upgrade" option - upgrading a non-functional version of Vista to a functional version is an upgrade, right? And yes, I'm back in the honeymoon period where the system is actually really quite fast despite having only 1.5GB of memory. I picked up a 4GB USB stick at CeBIT which works nicely with readyboost and my apps open a bit faster, too.
Of course there is an upside to a clean install - you lose some of the drekk that's built up on the system. Programs that I'd installed, messed around with and then dumped. From here I have resolved to restrict such installations first to my XP VM that's running in VMware Player (Google around to find out how, it's pretty simple with QEMU) as it's pretty simple to roll back a VM, also I have a couple of backup copies on various drives.
Getting to the point, I sometimes for convenience carry around a local copy of important ongoing work files - because I can't be online when travelling. I decided to once again try the sync option built into Windows, but it still sucks really badly and leaves multiple temp files at both ends when trying to sync - I haven't had the time, energy or inclination to solve this. Instead I spent a whole $30 (about the price of a Chinese take-away for two now in Euros) on a super little program called GoodSync from a company called Siber Systems.
It's my second $30 purchase from Siber - the first being the wonderful RoboForm, which stores all my login passwords and other credentials, including my credit card details, and helps me fill-in online forms. I keep the RoboForm data on a fully-encrypted USB drive so the data is safe and sound.
GoodSync is exactly that - and it's lightning fast, too. This is perhaps the most visible difference between it and the built-in offline file sync capability of Vista, apart from those temp files which can quickly fill a few GB if you're not careful. Once again, proof for me that something that's free has no value.
Labels: nerd, rant, tech, virtualization
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Martha hasn't blogged DLD
Here's my open letter to my fallen hero, Martha Stewart:
Hey Martha,
Wot no DLD blog entry? But you promised. A promise is a promise, remember. There were about 1000 people there at the conference when you made that promise and I didn't see you crossing your fingers behind your back. I looked... just making sure.
I know that after the hard lessons you learned in prison - where you were sent for lying to Government officials investigating stock option irregularities - that you don't tell lies any more. So I'm sure the lack of a post explaining just how badly you crashed and burned at DLD is just an oversight.
Second, after we chatted at DLD I added you as a friend on Facebook. I also poked you (in a Web 2.0 kinda way, anything else would be simply unthinkable) but you still haven't added me. I know you're really busy, going to the Super Bowl and that, but come on, you said ...
Hey Martha,
Wot no DLD blog entry? But you promised. A promise is a promise, remember. There were about 1000 people there at the conference when you made that promise and I didn't see you crossing your fingers behind your back. I looked... just making sure.
I know that after the hard lessons you learned in prison - where you were sent for lying to Government officials investigating stock option irregularities - that you don't tell lies any more. So I'm sure the lack of a post explaining just how badly you crashed and burned at DLD is just an oversight.
Second, after we chatted at DLD I added you as a friend on Facebook. I also poked you (in a Web 2.0 kinda way, anything else would be simply unthinkable) but you still haven't added me. I know you're really busy, going to the Super Bowl and that, but come on, you said ...
Those meanies at Birmingham Airport
Just back from 24 hours in Britain - which appears to be more and more of a nanny state, with speed cameras all over the roads (at least one per mile on the main drag into Plymouth) and warning signs everywhere else.
At Birmingham International Airport, I came across the ultimate in mean-ness: they'd locked the electricity power points. So nobody's going to sponge a few KW of free electricity from them, oh no. At around 15p per kilowatt hour, my laptop would have used at most 1p's worth of electricity while I gave the airport GBP5 for the privilege of using their wi-fi network. OK, so you'd say they don't have to give me free electricity, but since a fiver is a lot for an hour online, it would have been a nice touch.
At Birmingham International Airport, I came across the ultimate in mean-ness: they'd locked the electricity power points. So nobody's going to sponge a few KW of free electricity from them, oh no. At around 15p per kilowatt hour, my laptop would have used at most 1p's worth of electricity while I gave the airport GBP5 for the privilege of using their wi-fi network. OK, so you'd say they don't have to give me free electricity, but since a fiver is a lot for an hour online, it would have been a nice touch.
Labels: rant
Sunday, January 20, 2008
DLD - a new impression of Martha Stewart
The now-unmissable DLD Conference has opened in Munich, with author Paulo Coehlo wowing the audience and explaining how his quasi-innocent promotion of pirate digital copies of his best-selling novels have helped increase sales - perhaps because people get a taste of his writing and want more ... the same as has happened to many bands thanks to MP3 sharing.
Unfortunately it wasn't the modest Portuguese author of The Alchemist and other stories who was the most hotly-debated speaker of the day but US style icon Martha Stewart. Sadly for Martha, it was because of the way she crashed and burned during her rambling presentation. Worse still is that she probably won't realize - because she has, how can I put this politely? An exaggerated sense of her own self-importance.
In only four years, DLD has grown into a must-attend gathering of the good and the great in the world of digital, life and design: a chance to rub shoulders with an amazing array of inspirational people who have helped change the world in one way or another. The rest of the audience is made up of advertising agency people and venture capitalists. If you are looking for a place to get inspired, DLD is it. If you're looking to talk to VCs, just being at DLD is probably enough to score a follow-up meeting.
However, it looks as if Martha Stewart either was either badly advised, or too important to actually listen to her advisors. Because she began her 45-minute monologue (it was supposed to be an interview, but more of that later) by revealing the contents of her travelling "tech" suitcase.
So far I have yet to work out the reason why, in a room full of laptop- and iPhone-toting attendees, an all American style queen should choose to share such info. I, for one, would have been 100 times more interested to know the contents of her handbag, or to see the names of the last 10 incoming calls on her mobile: an iPhone, of course - but a non-functioning one because her secretary had forgotten to unlock roaming in Germany. Did we all hear that? Martha's no-doubt well-compensated secretary getting a public bollocking.
So out comes a less-than-stylish suitcase which Martha describes as being "overhead locker size" (which I actually doubt, but, Hey! Being! Martha! Stewart! (did you get that? MARTHA bloody STEWART I said!!!!)) probably travels first class everywhere (good for her) and the prospect of her vitriol on a short-flight, let alone a trans-Atlantic, would probably make most flight attendants cower and acquiesce.
And inside the suitcase are ... everyday business items that most people at the conference probably carry. A laptop. (Gasp from the audience). Except that it's tucked into an under-sized Ziploc bag. Very stylish. A honking great top-of-the-range CANON (or maybe Nikon) digital camera ... yeah, you guessed it - in its $0.25c carrying case, another plastic bag. Her iPhone in a shocking pink leather holster, and a BlackBerry, as one phone is never enough. Two phone chargers. A massive camera battery charger the size of a sub-notebook, and ... an Amazon Kindle - but one of the FIRST models (did you note? Early adopter alert!!!) before they even signed licensing deals with the NY Times and various other newspapers. In its exclusive Martha Stewart plastic bag, of course.
After the tiresome dig into her suitcase, Martha then tells the audience (which includes luminaries such as Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales) that she personally uses the internet for many different things, she chats with all of her friends on Facebook (but is really, sincerely SORRY that she has not got time to reply to everyone), she checks her spelling on dictionary.com, and she even buys stuff online.
I really didn't want to knock Martha. But oh boy did she get up my nose with her facile pitch. She probably also annoyed "moderator" Tyler Brule, the editor of Monocle magazine, who was reduced to the role of bystander during the Martha monologue. Finally, after we'd all learned that Martha was very important, he got to ask a few questions - and managed to make those open jaws sag even further by asking Martha, a convicted felon and therefore ineligible for office, which position in the new administration she'd like in the US Presidential elections. This was either completely misjudged, or a deliberate poke at Ms Stewart. I can't even remember her answer but it was a fob-off.
Maybe DLD should be described as "a must-attend gathering of the good and the great in the world of digital, life and design ... and Martha Stewart". Whatever she was smoking, I want a drag. Even Paulo Coehlo's Alchemist would have had trouble in changing Stewart into a credible speaker at DLD today.
Unfortunately it wasn't the modest Portuguese author of The Alchemist and other stories who was the most hotly-debated speaker of the day but US style icon Martha Stewart. Sadly for Martha, it was because of the way she crashed and burned during her rambling presentation. Worse still is that she probably won't realize - because she has, how can I put this politely? An exaggerated sense of her own self-importance.
In only four years, DLD has grown into a must-attend gathering of the good and the great in the world of digital, life and design: a chance to rub shoulders with an amazing array of inspirational people who have helped change the world in one way or another. The rest of the audience is made up of advertising agency people and venture capitalists. If you are looking for a place to get inspired, DLD is it. If you're looking to talk to VCs, just being at DLD is probably enough to score a follow-up meeting.
However, it looks as if Martha Stewart either was either badly advised, or too important to actually listen to her advisors. Because she began her 45-minute monologue (it was supposed to be an interview, but more of that later) by revealing the contents of her travelling "tech" suitcase.
So far I have yet to work out the reason why, in a room full of laptop- and iPhone-toting attendees, an all American style queen should choose to share such info. I, for one, would have been 100 times more interested to know the contents of her handbag, or to see the names of the last 10 incoming calls on her mobile: an iPhone, of course - but a non-functioning one because her secretary had forgotten to unlock roaming in Germany. Did we all hear that? Martha's no-doubt well-compensated secretary getting a public bollocking.
So out comes a less-than-stylish suitcase which Martha describes as being "overhead locker size" (which I actually doubt, but, Hey! Being! Martha! Stewart! (did you get that? MARTHA bloody STEWART I said!!!!)) probably travels first class everywhere (good for her) and the prospect of her vitriol on a short-flight, let alone a trans-Atlantic, would probably make most flight attendants cower and acquiesce.
And inside the suitcase are ... everyday business items that most people at the conference probably carry. A laptop. (Gasp from the audience). Except that it's tucked into an under-sized Ziploc bag. Very stylish. A honking great top-of-the-range CANON (or maybe Nikon) digital camera ... yeah, you guessed it - in its $0.25c carrying case, another plastic bag. Her iPhone in a shocking pink leather holster, and a BlackBerry, as one phone is never enough. Two phone chargers. A massive camera battery charger the size of a sub-notebook, and ... an Amazon Kindle - but one of the FIRST models (did you note? Early adopter alert!!!) before they even signed licensing deals with the NY Times and various other newspapers. In its exclusive Martha Stewart plastic bag, of course.
After the tiresome dig into her suitcase, Martha then tells the audience (which includes luminaries such as Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales) that she personally uses the internet for many different things, she chats with all of her friends on Facebook (but is really, sincerely SORRY that she has not got time to reply to everyone), she checks her spelling on dictionary.com, and she even buys stuff online.
I really didn't want to knock Martha. But oh boy did she get up my nose with her facile pitch. She probably also annoyed "moderator" Tyler Brule, the editor of Monocle magazine, who was reduced to the role of bystander during the Martha monologue. Finally, after we'd all learned that Martha was very important, he got to ask a few questions - and managed to make those open jaws sag even further by asking Martha, a convicted felon and therefore ineligible for office, which position in the new administration she'd like in the US Presidential elections. This was either completely misjudged, or a deliberate poke at Ms Stewart. I can't even remember her answer but it was a fob-off.
Maybe DLD should be described as "a must-attend gathering of the good and the great in the world of digital, life and design ... and Martha Stewart". Whatever she was smoking, I want a drag. Even Paulo Coehlo's Alchemist would have had trouble in changing Stewart into a credible speaker at DLD today.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
If this isn't global warming, what IS going on?
Nine years ago I moved to Munich to start a new job, arriving in a Saturday night snowstorm in the middle of winter. Temperatures were down to -20C at night (and some days, didn't climb about -10C) for the first two weeks I was here. I was blinded by the brightness of the snowscape and quickly had to invest in a new wardrobe of clothes and boots warm enough for the extremes of winter.
When I was briefly back in London after two weeks in deepest midwinter, the daffodils were in flower, but it was April before the thaw, that year, in Upper Bavaria.
Admittedly, the 98/99 winter was a biggie, as was the winter of 05/06, when the snow also stayed around until April. But since then, the winters have been too warm and too wet. Take this morning, for example. It was +6C this morning. I don't even have to scrape the ice off my car windscreen in the mornings whereas most winters I've needed to shovel the snow off the driveway before brushing it off the car before scraping the ice. So if this is not global warming, what is it?
When I was briefly back in London after two weeks in deepest midwinter, the daffodils were in flower, but it was April before the thaw, that year, in Upper Bavaria.
Admittedly, the 98/99 winter was a biggie, as was the winter of 05/06, when the snow also stayed around until April. But since then, the winters have been too warm and too wet. Take this morning, for example. It was +6C this morning. I don't even have to scrape the ice off my car windscreen in the mornings whereas most winters I've needed to shovel the snow off the driveway before brushing it off the car before scraping the ice. So if this is not global warming, what is it?
Labels: globalwarming, rant
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
One step forward ...
... and one back. Isn't life always like that?
This is not really a gripe. The world won't stop turning and I'm lucky enough to have this thing to complain about. So, now that's clear, let me explain.
My BMW has a super-cool audio AUX input socket which means it's possible to connect an iPod or other audio device for playback through the car's stereo. That's progress. In the BM, the AUX input is neatly tucked inside the center console armrest, and conveniently located next to the 12v charger socket.
That means power and audio device in the same place, nicely out of sight and out of the way. Great.
I've moaned before about the rubbish battery life in my 4G HP-branded iPod, and since I got an 8GB Nano last year, the 4G has been collecting dust, waiting for its next deployment. Because its Achilles Heel is the battery, especially at sub-zero overnight temperatures, I invested in a ?14 car charger - cheaper and more convenient than an iPod battery replacement kit.
Nearly there, I thought. Until I plugged in the charger - and found that the armrest lid no longer closes with the charger in position.
Bad design all round, chaps.
This is not really a gripe. The world won't stop turning and I'm lucky enough to have this thing to complain about. So, now that's clear, let me explain.
My BMW has a super-cool audio AUX input socket which means it's possible to connect an iPod or other audio device for playback through the car's stereo. That's progress. In the BM, the AUX input is neatly tucked inside the center console armrest, and conveniently located next to the 12v charger socket.
That means power and audio device in the same place, nicely out of sight and out of the way. Great.
I've moaned before about the rubbish battery life in my 4G HP-branded iPod, and since I got an 8GB Nano last year, the 4G has been collecting dust, waiting for its next deployment. Because its Achilles Heel is the battery, especially at sub-zero overnight temperatures, I invested in a ?14 car charger - cheaper and more convenient than an iPod battery replacement kit.
Nearly there, I thought. Until I plugged in the charger - and found that the armrest lid no longer closes with the charger in position.
Bad design all round, chaps.
Labels: iPod, petrolhead, rant
Friday, December 21, 2007
Car-azy bureaucra-zy
As we start the Christmas holidays, I'm sorely in need of a break, with my energies sapped by good old German bureaucracy, or should I say bureaucrazy?
It should have been a pretty simple thing for my firm to lease a company car - we're a GmbH and therefore have EUR25k deposited against potential bankruptcy. But oh no, that was not enough for the leasing company - they wanted a bank guarantee for around the value of a year's leasing. And that's taken the bureaucrats and form-fillers four weeks already.
Everything else is done - and nothing else will do of course. It's going to be interesting to see if
the leasing company tries to backdate the start of the leasing as I'm not going to pay until I get the car: I'm not causing the delays. No doubt this one will run and run.
In the end I went for a new BMW 320 diesel - the right-priced solution that should not lead to too much damage in terms of tax. It was tempting to pick up something two years old and more exotic, but tax on the original list price and running costs were the two factors that decided it.
It should have been a pretty simple thing for my firm to lease a company car - we're a GmbH and therefore have EUR25k deposited against potential bankruptcy. But oh no, that was not enough for the leasing company - they wanted a bank guarantee for around the value of a year's leasing. And that's taken the bureaucrats and form-fillers four weeks already.
Everything else is done - and nothing else will do of course. It's going to be interesting to see if
the leasing company tries to backdate the start of the leasing as I'm not going to pay until I get the car: I'm not causing the delays. No doubt this one will run and run.
In the end I went for a new BMW 320 diesel - the right-priced solution that should not lead to too much damage in terms of tax. It was tempting to pick up something two years old and more exotic, but tax on the original list price and running costs were the two factors that decided it.
Labels: petrolhead, rant
Monday, November 26, 2007
Back in the train gang
The BMW?s health has taken a turn for the worse, and the timing isn?t good: winter has arrived, and the train strikes in Germany are threatening to cause further chaos. But the train is the sensible option, as the Beemer seems to have had some kind of computer brain aneurism, and I know that whatever the cure, it?s going to be expensive.
We?re not quite sure what?s wrong yet but we know what the symptoms are ? the ABS/ASR light comes on and the ABS and traction control systems shut down. That?s normal if there?s a dodgy ABS sensor but this time we?ve been through that, and the car ECU seems to be blaming a different sensor every time. No sign of any cables having been chewed by our pine marten, either. What?s really worrying though is that the automatic gearbox is playing up now as well ? sticking in third gear and refusing to provide its usual silky-smooth shift.
We?ve been through the calculations and it?s just about break-even for me to get a company car (for the company, it?s a far more positive story because of the costs that can be offset and the sales tax reclaim). So the choice is now either to rejig my package so that a car is included, or to allocate a decent amount of money to buy a two- or three-year-old replacement for the Beemer.
In the six years since I bought it, car prices have crept up. I?d need about 50 percent more cash now to buy a newer 5 series of the same age/mileage that mine was in when we first met. It?s clear that the EUR10k to 20k bracket is the mid-market battle ground where prices are most keen. Cars tend to hang around for ages above 10k before plummeting to ground like a rock. My Beemer is getting into the ?pocket change? territory now ? even in perfect working order it has a trade value of under EUR5k.
To update the car shopping list:
Company car ? probably a Ford Mondeo diesel. Yeah, I know it?s a boring family hatchback but that?s what we need.
Private car ? sensible option is to look for a tidy used BMW 320d ? late old shape with lots of kit or a Spartan new shape. Alfa resale prices aren?t to be trusted ? they hold up ok for three years or so, then plummet, and even the run-out 164s are on the precipice now. I?ve dropped the idea of a Disco, a 740d or an SLK ? and the Astra was the bogey car.
Labels: auto, petrolhead, rant
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Today's observation: mobile illiteracy
Just because you're sending me a message from your BlackBerry "device" it is no excuse for terrible illiteracy. If you're in that much of a hurry, send me the message later ...
Friday, November 02, 2007
RSS = really overwhelmed
The number of my unread RSS feeds just passed 1000. And RSS was supposed to be the way of streamlining all those blogs and news streams I wanted to read but never found the time to do.
Game over. I'm tempted to delete all my RSS feeds and start over.
Game over. I'm tempted to delete all my RSS feeds and start over.
Labels: rant, RSS, tech, web 2.0
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Breaking the "rules"
I'm breaking the never-post-after-midnight rule as it's been my first chance to catch up on world news for a couple of days. How mad is this: Oil is almost US$100 a barrel, but the USD continues to set new record lows against the Euro, yet gas and diesel prices in Euro-land continue to climb.
I smell opportunistic profiteering. Yeah, the prices are jacked because oil barrels keep going up. Yes. But no. The USD is falling just as fast so where's the difference going? Oh boy, are those stock prices for the petroleum companies looking healthy.
It's totally not politically correct to say this, and after midnight, so double-plus bad, but forget investing in renewable energy companies and get on that fossil fuel bandwagon before the wheels finally fall off.
This could be worth a bit of research into the last hurrahs of staple-but-outdated technologies - you know, like the stagecoach, the gas lamp, the typewriter - to see if the leading manufacturers enjoyed a massive surge as they crossed the finish line. Any more for my putative research list? The fax machine? The CRT TV market (gut feeling is that this will show a fabulous last flourish), or the LP, which eventually lasted longer than the Compact Cassette despite tape taking over market share leadership briefly in the mad, mad days of something like 1988.
I smell opportunistic profiteering. Yeah, the prices are jacked because oil barrels keep going up. Yes. But no. The USD is falling just as fast so where's the difference going? Oh boy, are those stock prices for the petroleum companies looking healthy.
It's totally not politically correct to say this, and after midnight, so double-plus bad, but forget investing in renewable energy companies and get on that fossil fuel bandwagon before the wheels finally fall off.
This could be worth a bit of research into the last hurrahs of staple-but-outdated technologies - you know, like the stagecoach, the gas lamp, the typewriter - to see if the leading manufacturers enjoyed a massive surge as they crossed the finish line. Any more for my putative research list? The fax machine? The CRT TV market (gut feeling is that this will show a fabulous last flourish), or the LP, which eventually lasted longer than the Compact Cassette despite tape taking over market share leadership briefly in the mad, mad days of something like 1988.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Timezones in a twist
How mad is this: in old Europe, the clocks go back this weekend to Daylight Saving Time ... and a week later in the New World.
Welcome to timezone chaos. It's complicated enough scheduling calls with people in multiple timezones, but there's a small window: the much-loved 8am California time/ 5pm Central European time. Except that next week, this becomes the 8am/4pm slot. The week after, we're back to the nine hour time difference.
Now factor in the need to get participants on the line from Beijing, California, Germany and Australia. It's a headache and a middle-of-the-night call for someone, anyway. So let's make it more complicated by trying to remember that the clocks don't change in China - so they're another hour ahead of Europe through the winter.
Thank goodness for the World Time Server.
Welcome to timezone chaos. It's complicated enough scheduling calls with people in multiple timezones, but there's a small window: the much-loved 8am California time/ 5pm Central European time. Except that next week, this becomes the 8am/4pm slot. The week after, we're back to the nine hour time difference.
Now factor in the need to get participants on the line from Beijing, California, Germany and Australia. It's a headache and a middle-of-the-night call for someone, anyway. So let's make it more complicated by trying to remember that the clocks don't change in China - so they're another hour ahead of Europe through the winter.
Thank goodness for the World Time Server.
Labels: rant
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The smoky streets of London
The no smoking ban has come into force across the UK, meaning that the super-stinky streets of London are now even worse. Those poor smokers huddled on the pavement - it really is sometimes necessary to take a deep breath before entering or exiting a building, to get through the smokescreen without inhaling a lungful of second- or even third-hand smoke.
In London, it doesn't really make much difference - since the diesel stink is pretty overpowering, especially in the medieval streets of the City of London. And even though smoking's been banned on the Tube for around 20 years (I still remember when it was possible to smoke on the trains) the air down there is still pretty hazy.
Oh for the mountain air of Munich!
In London, it doesn't really make much difference - since the diesel stink is pretty overpowering, especially in the medieval streets of the City of London. And even though smoking's been banned on the Tube for around 20 years (I still remember when it was possible to smoke on the trains) the air down there is still pretty hazy.
Oh for the mountain air of Munich!
Labels: rant
Thursday, October 11, 2007
In Rainbows: Rose-tinted downloads
Lots of newsprint and pixels have been dedicated to the new Radiohead album over the last week, the brave new "choose how much you pay to download" model. Don't be skeptical, I reckon they'll still make a fair whack on online sales, possibly more, even, than the slice the band could have expected under a traditional record contract with a major label.
I downloaded and listened to it today, with noise-cancelling earphones blotting out background noise (to the point where I was surprised when the plane landed). First reaction is: more of the same. I really love Kid A and Amnesiac, they're my favorite Radiohead albums, while I think OK Computer is only that, OK.
But here's the nerd take on the brave new move by music pioneers Radiohead: wot, only 160kbps? This is exactly half the bitrate I'm looking for.
Paranoid thought arises: Is this because I was cheap and didn't offer to actually pay money for the album? Could it be that the bitrate is proportionate to the amount you pledge? Nope. A check on indexes for various swap sites confirms that the album weighs in at just under 49MB. Download a torrent offering anything more and you're being fooled, baby.
So what now? Wait for the CD, that's what. By January I'll be more familiar with In Rainbows so once Radiohead have sorted out their new record label and managed to actually release a CD version, I'll snap it up, probably for ?12 or less. I'll then be deleting the 160kbps version - so why pay, when I'm simply getting an advance, review version that's only half retail quality?
And this is the thing about downloads. I'm hardly an audiophile but when I first bought the late, unlamented Real Jukebox in 1999, the MP3 standard was 96kbps. Today, ringtones are higher quality. I progressed slowly through 128, 160 and a flirtation with ogg, got totally confused by the EAC format (although I have plenty of disk space for it) and settled on 320kbps mp3, for now at least. I *honestly* can't hear the difference even when playing back an 320-encoded file through my ageing but excellent quality hi-fi separates and speakers.
Time to toss or sell my CDs? NO WAY. They're my shiny licenses to the music and the offline backup. As for the artwork, if I was really interested in that, I'd still buy LPs. It's all about the music, stoopid.
I downloaded and listened to it today, with noise-cancelling earphones blotting out background noise (to the point where I was surprised when the plane landed). First reaction is: more of the same. I really love Kid A and Amnesiac, they're my favorite Radiohead albums, while I think OK Computer is only that, OK.
But here's the nerd take on the brave new move by music pioneers Radiohead: wot, only 160kbps? This is exactly half the bitrate I'm looking for.
Paranoid thought arises: Is this because I was cheap and didn't offer to actually pay money for the album? Could it be that the bitrate is proportionate to the amount you pledge? Nope. A check on indexes for various swap sites confirms that the album weighs in at just under 49MB. Download a torrent offering anything more and you're being fooled, baby.
So what now? Wait for the CD, that's what. By January I'll be more familiar with In Rainbows so once Radiohead have sorted out their new record label and managed to actually release a CD version, I'll snap it up, probably for ?12 or less. I'll then be deleting the 160kbps version - so why pay, when I'm simply getting an advance, review version that's only half retail quality?
And this is the thing about downloads. I'm hardly an audiophile but when I first bought the late, unlamented Real Jukebox in 1999, the MP3 standard was 96kbps. Today, ringtones are higher quality. I progressed slowly through 128, 160 and a flirtation with ogg, got totally confused by the EAC format (although I have plenty of disk space for it) and settled on 320kbps mp3, for now at least. I *honestly* can't hear the difference even when playing back an 320-encoded file through my ageing but excellent quality hi-fi separates and speakers.
Time to toss or sell my CDs? NO WAY. They're my shiny licenses to the music and the offline backup. As for the artwork, if I was really interested in that, I'd still buy LPs. It's all about the music, stoopid.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sometimes it's hard to be green
Backdated post from Sept 4th: It?s hard to be green ? our Peugeot is a good example of that. It?s such a lemon it should be yellow, and it?s definitely not green.
Mistake. The technology was still in its infancy and, frankly, wasn?t ready for prime time. We?ve had no end of problems with the system ? with the dreaded ?exhaust anomaly? message usually flashing up when we?re on, or trying to go on holiday.
Here?s a brief recap of the most memorable times when:
- June 2005: on the way to Italy. We eventually went in a rental car paid for by Peugeot (a VW this time)
- April 2007: on the way back from Heidelberg.
- September 2007: in the Abruzzo region of Italy
What else? Here?s some reasons NOT to buy an 807:
- The windscreen area is too big for the demister to cope with
- The electronics are, frankly, rubbish. Press the horn and it takes a second before the signal works its way through the computer and the horn actually sounds. Same applies to flashing the lights. And these are functions where a second is a long time?
At least this time we?ve got rid of the phantom squeaking ? around a year ago this was so bad that we had to replace all the brake disks, at least this was what the garage did in trying to finally solve the perennial problem. In the last 12 months that problem has at least been held at bay ? there?s still some squeaks when cornering.
It all adds up to a real litany of shame, which is a real pity because the car, on paper, is so good ? it?s a driver?s car regarding the handling, it feels smaller than it is, the 2.2-liter diesel is just about pokey enough, and the rear sliding doors are really practical.
Labels: dieselhead, petrolhead, rant
The revolver or the cyanide pill?
Well, ok, it's not THAT bad but after a week of toothache and an hour in the dentist's chair I'm feeling beaten up. My bad British teeth just aren't engineered to German or American standards and this means regular maintenance. This time it's a stark choice - either say goodbye to a molar, or enjoy a root canal filling. An ingenious machine designed by Dr Röntgen will reveal all, but first I have to wait for two weeks. And then, the choice ain't mine.
Teeth, huh? What are they good for? Why haven't humans evolved into sporting ceramic molars yet? The average human lifespan has more than doubled in the last thousand years but tooth technology is way behind. At least if the rotting one does have to go, then I could have an implant - after that, perhaps it's plain sailing for a few years at least.
Teeth, huh? What are they good for? Why haven't humans evolved into sporting ceramic molars yet? The average human lifespan has more than doubled in the last thousand years but tooth technology is way behind. At least if the rotting one does have to go, then I could have an implant - after that, perhaps it's plain sailing for a few years at least.
Labels: rant
Friday, August 17, 2007
Skype: I took a deep breath and now I'm blue in the face
When it starts, Skype warns: Take a deep breath. I've often wondered why. Now I know - because you need a massive amount of patience to keep on using a VoIP system that's been crippled by an outage for around 36 hours.
Maybe Google Talk has improved since I last tried it around 18 months ago. If it actually works, it'll be better than Skype. This probably isn't Skype's death knell but if the outage goes on much longer, it will be a reminder to millions of people to look elsewhere for their PC-based VoIP telephony. Remember Napster? Me too - it was the soaraway leader in its field once, but I haven't used it for years. In fact I saw the icon on the desktop of an HP machine the other day and this reminded me that Napster still existed.
It's tough at the top and the software industry is fickle.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Reunited
My luggage has arrived - but shame on the Customs / airline people whose "inspection" of the contents included ripping open the gift wrapping on presents for the kids from my sister. We're not talking about a little, discreet tear - but literally shredding the paper to inspect the contents.
I think Amsterdam Schipol (or Sh*thole as a friend calls it) Airport needs to modify its slogan somewhat: See. Buy. Fly. Fume.
I think Amsterdam Schipol (or Sh*thole as a friend calls it) Airport needs to modify its slogan somewhat: See. Buy. Fly. Fume.
Labels: rant
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
TRACING CONTINUES. PLEASE CHECK BACK LATER
My trusty two-night suitcase is once again at the mercy of the airline baggage handlers. It didn't make it to Munich with me last night but KLM says "in 95 percent of all cases, baggage is located on the first day".
The case is a travel veteran and has shown up by taxi or courier on several previous occasions. Its telescopic handle has also been broken and repaired twice by another airline. It's a nice size but the wheels are a tad too close together to walk briskly through an airport - it has a tendency to tilt on to one wheel, then on to its back.
What's inside? Some dirty laundry and an unloved suit that I was thinking about retiring anyway. And some birthday presents for the kids from my sister - at least she will probably still have the receipts.
The case is a travel veteran and has shown up by taxi or courier on several previous occasions. Its telescopic handle has also been broken and repaired twice by another airline. It's a nice size but the wheels are a tad too close together to walk briskly through an airport - it has a tendency to tilt on to one wheel, then on to its back.
What's inside? Some dirty laundry and an unloved suit that I was thinking about retiring anyway. And some birthday presents for the kids from my sister - at least she will probably still have the receipts.
Labels: rant
Monday, July 16, 2007
Yeah, I'm jealous
Here I am in wedged into row 39 on the Chicago-London flight (and somewhat grateful that it?s an aisle), while my very, very good friend Karl is sitting pretty in row one. I can contain my jealousy, to an extent, of those road warriors in business class, but he?s in First Class! That hurts. Last time we flew together it was in tourist class back from Samos, almost exactly 10 years ago. Maybe in 10 more years he?ll have his own private jet?
I should have mentioned the legendary John Bonham flying story to him. I could use the blanket as a moisture barrier. Stuff dries fast in the air anyway, as I discovered on the way out to the US a week ago, after my seat neighbor?s iced cranberry drink slid off the table and into my lap.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
O'Mare Airport (sic)
As my dad likes to say: Time to spare, go by air. It seems to be getting worse every time I fly. LHR was almost unbearable: the longest queues I have ever seen there, and the slowest crawl through security. Now having an O'Mare at O'Hare ... with the aircraft for my flight not even here yet.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
No time for Quicktime
Is it just me or is Quicktime one of the cheekiest PC applications of all?
It's like a weed: once it gets on to a system it spreads and unless you get
the roots out (in this case digging around in the registry), it just keeps
coming back. Worse still, it tries to bring its friends. I don't want or
need iTunes on my machine any more than I need Real Player.
It's like a weed: once it gets on to a system it spreads and unless you get
the roots out (in this case digging around in the registry), it just keeps
coming back. Worse still, it tries to bring its friends. I don't want or
need iTunes on my machine any more than I need Real Player.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Önly in Österreich
Just back from a few days at Lake Garda in Italy. The drive there takes us across the Brenner Pass, and fearful of long weekend queues at the toll booths, I registered and paid online in advance for the "Video Maut" - which uses number-plate recognition.
On the outbound trip, the only hitch was that the longest line was for ... the Video Maut booth.
On the return trip, the longest line was for ... the Video Maut booth.
But then - a hitch. Our car registration wasn't recognised - the barrier dropped and we were diverted to a toll booth to explain ourselves and pay up.
Shurely shome mishtake, I suggested.
Oh no, came the answer: it's quite common that the system doesn't recognize umlauts in vehicle registrations. In Österreich of all places. Perhaps only in Austria!
On the outbound trip, the only hitch was that the longest line was for ... the Video Maut booth.
On the return trip, the longest line was for ... the Video Maut booth.
But then - a hitch. Our car registration wasn't recognised - the barrier dropped and we were diverted to a toll booth to explain ourselves and pay up.
Shurely shome mishtake, I suggested.
Oh no, came the answer: it's quite common that the system doesn't recognize umlauts in vehicle registrations. In Österreich of all places. Perhaps only in Austria!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Stuff I don't get, part 96
Why do people feel inclined to stick Ferrari badges on their boring mass-production cars? They seem to appear most on high-specced Ford Galaxy models, and Audi A4 Avants, normally in black. Is this a secret sign, akin to the delicious rumor that pampas grass in the front garden = we are swingers. Ferrari badge = people who have visited every one of a chain supermarket's stores?
Labels: auto, odd, petrolhead, rant
Friday, May 11, 2007
Flash in the pan
Keeping to-to-speed with UK TV isn’t a priority – thank goodness. We’re late adopters. So far we have watched only the first two episodes of Life On Mars (and wondered what the hell the fuss is all about), we’re still to see a single minute of Little Britain, and The Office passed us by. Completely.
A year or so after its screening, we just finished the second series of Sir Alan Sugar’s The Apprentice, UK-style (side note, the US version is waaaay more saccharine). My goodness. I’d already noticed that candidates whose resumes pass my desk for occasional PR opportunities are pretty “pumped up” to put it mildly – some of the 25-year-olds have experienced more in a year or less of actually working than I’ve done in the last 20 years.
Therefore it should not have been a surprise to experience the over-inflated egos of the finalists, and their seeming inability to see things without their rose-tinted glasses. Perform miserably on something and my internal quality control alarm bells sound. I’m not keen to take it on the chin but I have some dignity and pride, and sometimes the excuses are so lame, they’re funny.
Screw up completely on a task – for example by failing to sell a single item, while competitors were selling them by the comparative bucketload – and the standard answer is to tell “Serallen” that you’re a number one sales person. Fail to lead and tell him you’re an inspirational leader. Lie, lie lie through your teeth. Scary, there’s a lot of people living in dreamland out there.
Watching the series for the first time a year after the TX dates, we get an advantage – instant gratification on the big question: what are the candidates doing now? The second series folks fancied themselves as meeja stars, bigtime – as is evident from the plethora of pumped-up egomaniacal websites. But what’s this? Just one year on, almost all are now six months or more out of date. That gives these “media celebs” the stardom lifetime of a butterfly. Quite right, too.
Labels: rant
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